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Series: Breaking Chains Together — When Faith Touches Shame
Scripture: 1 Samuel 18 : 6–12

There’s a kind of shame that doesn’t hide — it fights.
It doesn’t disappear or appease; it controls, competes, and lashes out.

This is the “against” shield.
It’s the armor of perfectionists, performers, and controllers — the ones who learned that the safest way to never be shamed again is to always stay in charge.

On the outside, it looks strong.
But on the inside, it’s terrified.

👑 Saul’s Descent Into Comparison

King Saul was once humble. When God first chose him, he hid among the baggage, reluctant to lead. But somewhere along the way, fear of inadequacy took root. And fear, left unchecked, always turns into control.

After David’s victory over Goliath, the people sing their famous song:

“Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands.” (1 Samuel 18 : 7)

Those words pierce Saul’s heart.
In a moment, the king who once fought for God now fights for his image.

“Saul was very angry… ‘They have credited David with tens of thousands,’ he thought, ‘but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom?’ And from that time on Saul kept a jealous eye on David.” (vv. 8–9)

That’s how the “against” shield works — it weaponizes comparison.
Saul’s insecurity becomes suspicion. His fear of inadequacy becomes aggression. He throws spears at the very person God sent to help him.

Shame always leads to distortion.
Where love once saw a friend, fear now sees a rival.
Where grace once said, “We’re on the same team,” shame says, “You’re taking what’s mine.”

💣 When Control Becomes a Substitute for Security

Control is shame’s favorite disguise.
It gives the illusion of safety.
It tells us: “If I can keep everything together — if I can fix them, manage them, outperform them — then maybe I won’t feel small anymore.”

But control doesn’t heal shame; it feeds it.
The more we try to dominate our world, the more fragile we become.

That’s why Saul deteriorates so quickly. The tighter he grips the throne, the emptier his soul becomes. He begins consulting mediums. He becomes paranoid. He loses the ability to hear God’s voice.

The tragedy of Saul is that he never stops fighting long enough to be held.

🪞 What the “Against” Shield Looks Like Today

Not many of us throw spears, but we know how to wound.
We snap at our spouse when they touch our sore spots.
We micromanage people we should be mentoring.
We overwork to prove we’re indispensable.
We criticize others to protect ourselves from criticism.

And all of it — every jab, every defensive tone, every need to control — is often a mask for one buried question:
“Am I enough?”

The gospel answers that question not with flattery but with love.
You are enough, not because you’ve proven yourself, but because you are chosen, called, and covered in Christ.

⚔️ How God Meets the Fighter

Notice how God deals with Saul and later with another “fighter” named Saul — the Pharisee who became Paul.

The first Saul resisted God’s grace and died gripping control.
The second Saul encountered grace and was undone by it.

When Jesus met the second Saul on the road to Damascus, He didn’t destroy him; He blinded him.
He took away the very thing the man relied on — his sight, his power, his control — until all that was left was helpless dependence.

That’s how God redeems the fighter.
He doesn’t shame the strong; He redefines strength.
He teaches us that surrender is not defeat — it’s the doorway to freedom.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12 : 9)

Real freedom isn’t found in keeping control. It’s found in being known — and still loved.

💭 Reflection

1. Where do I find myself trying to control outcomes or people out of fear of being exposed or hurt?
2. How do I respond when someone else succeeds — with joy, or with quiet comparison?
3. What would it mean for me to lay down the “spear” — to stop defending myself and trust God to fight for me?

🙏 A Prayer for the Fighter

Lord Jesus,
You see the fists I clench — the need to prove, the fear of losing control.
You see how easily I confuse authority with love, strength with striving.

I lay down my spears today.
I don’t want to win anymore; I want to be whole.

Teach me that Your power shines through weakness.
Unclench my heart until it can hold peace instead of control.

Break the chains of comparison.
Heal the places where shame still fights for survival.

Let Your love be the only weapon I carry.
Amen.

✨ Key Thought

Control is shame’s camouflage — it looks like strength, but it hides fear.